North Star

my feelings are like

a game of ping pong

gosh why did I look through my Snapchat memories

I’ve been trying to

wrap my head around

how to get you to

wrap your arms around me.

Who remembers the good old days

When we would walk single file second tile to the library

To choose out our junie b. jones book

And try to look in classrooms to find our best friends

Or when we would 4- square our way through recess

And play with the big parachute during p.e

Or when we would excitingly decorate our valentines boxes and receive a valentine from everyone

Now Valentine’s Day means nothing unless you’ve got someone

I miss the good old days

I remember in kindergarten we were at an assembly. I was sitting weird, and my teacher came over and told me to sit Indian style, or else my knees will be messed up when I’m older. And now, my knees pop out of place on the daily and it hurts to roll on them.

She was a good teacher. She read to us in her sweet voice, as we sat on the colored carpet during reading time. She saved me from the monkey bars when I was hanging there for minutes during recess. She also sent me to the principals office when I didn’t come back in from recess.

It’s crazy how much a teacher can impact your life. Even now as a senior, I still remember moments with her, small ones, but memorable.

She suffered from cancer and passed away a few years back. I wish I wasn’t so shy when I came back to my school for my brothers 6th grade graduation. I wish I would’ve gotten the courage to at least go say hi.

So this is my thanks to her. For teaching me so much. Even at such a young age.

Thank you mrs. smith ❤

Right now I am sitting in my car, alone.

I used to be scared of what people think when they see me alone. But now, I don’t mind.

I like the solitude. I guess you could say I like myself enough to be okay with being by myself.

And that makes myself happy.

I spend too much time.

Too much time on sports, homework, sitting in cold classrooms.

By the time I’m done with all of it, it’s time to brush my teeth and go to bed.

My life is on a revolver belt.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I wish. I wish I had time for other things.

Oh, what I would do for that time.

Time to go up the canyon and look at the changing colors, time to go that scary movie on Tuesday night, time to visit the butterfly biosphere with my sister. Time to finally finish that one book, time to actually go swimming in my pool, time to enjoy sunset moments.

Life moves too fast. And I want to LIVE. I don’t want to die one day with memories of repeated days filled with homework, sports, and sleep.

I’m dying to live.

Oh, what a wave you have made

I’m swimming’ in everything you said, I’m thinkin’ bout jumpin’ in it

Way you look is like whoa

Lose your little guard, let it down

Wise men say only fools rush in

“No regrets” is what we said

Love on the weekend, I’m coming up and I’m loving every minute of it

Getting lost late at night under the stars

I believe in something, I believe in us

How would you feel? If I told you I loved you?

I mean, I really think you like me.

As leaves fall onto the ground

Don’t we all go out of our way to see if they’ll make that crunching sound?

Or on our way to school

Don’t we all awe at the snow capped mountains looking so cool?

Driving up suncrest

Don’t we all take a second to notice the beautiful sky going to rest?

On a warm summers night

Don’t we all turn down the lights

And lay on the tramp to more fully enjoy the stars so bright?

When snow starts falling

Don’t we all stick out our tongues to taste the nothingness

Memories recalling?

See, nature is beautiful, but it’s sad to see some people take it for granted.

All I know is that we think Mother Nature is enchanted.

Happiness. Heavenly. Harmonic. Handsome. Happy-go-lucky. Heartfelt. Healing. Hopeful. Honesty. Huggable.

Anxious. Alarming. Afflicted. Afraid. Alienating. Ached. Absence. Awkward. Apologist. Aimless.

Taunted. Terrible. Tense. Toughness. Trash. Trickery. Two-faced. Twisted. Torment. Thrash.

Sacred. Safely. Sanctioned. Satisfied. Self-acceptance. Sentimental. Softly. Sympathetic. Sweetheart.

There’s no love like the first.

Even after it’s all over, I still feel your touch your arms wrapped around my waist your smell resonated on my shirt your kiss

your kiss

so soft and tender. Lips full of passion. Blood rushes to my cheeks, I want to live in this moment forever.

Can’t sleep at night. 2 am watching the fan spin

spin

spin

spinning thoughts swirling in a mind storm. I never thought I would lose so much sleep over someone.

And even though it’s over, my mind still falls to your face, your features, memorized from nights under the stars, but I’m not looking at the stars..

There’s just something about you that I can’t let go of. I can’t let go of the way you tilt your head back when you laugh. Or the way you sing your heart out in the car. And I can’t let go of the words you spoke. Those words haunt me. Because I felt it too.

Now here we are.

Maybe one day we’ll stop leaving each other on read. Maybe we’ll talk like real people do. It’s hard right now though, because my feelings for you aren’t gone.

And today, I miss you a little more than I did yesterday.